The Days and Nights are

Friday, 01/29/2010

The days and nights seem to blend seamlessly together. It's ironic how sometimes you are constantly reminded of the time and others (like now) you lose sight of the hours and days. Life is a precious gift that I will never take for granted. The people that come and go in our lives affect us in more ways than we realize. I know what it is like to find a special connection with someone who touches your very soul. The times both good and bad that you share with that special person are etched forever in you heart and soul. My love for Gina is based on all of those beautiful memories we shared as a couple and as best friends. I am grateful to have been truly blessed with Gina in my life, hand-in-hand and why I can truly call her my one and only soulmate!

Updates from Day 22 in ICU

• Gina's heart rate is all over the place - jumping from lov 50 or 60's to 150's and even 170's! The blood pressure is mostly steady but she has trouble getting oxygen.
• Gina still has a lot of fluid built up in her chest area and I feel it must make it very difficult for her heart to pump the blood and oxygen correctly. I feel so helpless watching her hour after hour with so many problems and for the first time I can remember, I feel truly helpless towards her. I do what I can to rub her head, whisper how much she means to me and how loved she is by family & friends alike. I really think she is able to hear my words and that they give her a bit of comfort inside that lonely place she is now.
• I pray endlessley to GOD to give her the peace and comfort she so desperatley needs! I keep my Faith up although it is too hard to understand why or how I can with so much going on with my wife.
• It is very difficult for all the family to watch Gina who was always so young and free-spirited! You all said it exactly right - that beautiful smile of hers lit the room like a million candles in the darkest night. I keep that image inside my head and when the tears can no longer be held back, I think of that smile and how it made made all around feel so good inside.
• Gina always tried her best to make those she met feel better about themselves. The amazing thing is she did it so effortlessly and modestly. Remember Gina for that day she picked you up, or that lap arounf Bishop McNamara when she could barely walk from the car to the campsite on relay day! That is what Gina needs to feel free, happy friends and family thinking of her again.
• I think it is getting closer to the time that GOD feels he needs Gina more in Heaven with him then we down here with us. I try not to be selfish when I ask GOD why now and I remind myself of the beautiful life I shared with her.
• I will keep all posted as often as I can but know that the next few days feel like they are going to be an eternity that passes at the speed of light.

GOD Bless all and keep the prayers coming!

Riverside ICU Updates

01/27/2010: Updates from RMC

• Gina has had a rough couple of nights here at Riverside. Her pain has come back on and off and we think it may be that her tolerance level has adjusted to the medicines given to her.
• Dr. McDonald is back (yeah!) and she seemed amazed too that Gina has 'adjusted" to the medicine in the few days she was absent.
• We are back to the challenge of making adjustments to current meds (Versed, Dilaudid, and Haldol) and possibly considering trying something else. The IV's and push meds have been increased; however, since they are given at such a concentrated amount now, Gina has to have her vitals constantly monitored.
• Dr. McDonald and some of us talked last night about some other ideas for medicines being given to Gina. We are all still on the same page though, that we do not want Gina to have any more pain
  
• The staff has been trying their best to keep Gina comfortable and with as little pain as possible. That is a challenge, it seems, and is a constant battle. As soon as Gina gets a little rest, she goes right back to having pain.
• I thank all of you that have respected our wishes to keep Gina in your prayers and ask for relief.
• We are still trying to keep visitors to only the immediate family since Gina has had little rest. I feel that Gina would rather be remembered for the way we all know her - smiling, perky and beautiful.

As usual, I will keep all posted and keep praying for peace for our Gina!   8)

From Riverside Where an Angel is watching over us

Updates for Friday, January 22, 2010

• Gina had a rough time just two nights ago here, Some type of error led to one of Gina's IV pumps going from a low doseage to almost what appears to be 10x the prescribed amount during an increase in doseage! As usual, Gina fought through it all and with the caring arms of Dr. McDonald, Gina was stabilized again. Looking into it as I know that we do not want it to happen to anyone else. I also know Gina would never let something go unanswered without questioning it and getting a comforting response.
• I never wanted this to end, certainly not where Gina was still fighting and in pain until her last breaths. I think without Dr. McDonald's blessed hands and warm, compassionate heart, it would be an even harder journey here. Thanks to you Dr. McDonald and for GOD putting you in our path. Also to the staff that goes the extra distance and feels with their hearts not just works through their hands - thanks!
• Gina's heartrate had been in the 50's to 60's and blood pressure low but not alarming. She is better now and more comfortable again.
• It seems Gina is getting the basic comforts eventhough she is in a hospital bed - such as, cleaned up, hair washed, clean linens, etcetera. We love the extra special touches that some of the staff has shown to her here - from making sure she lays on her comfortable side, putting her head on her own pillow I brought from home, and making sure her stuffed friend, "George" has been right under her arm. I feel that sometimes it is the little things that make the big things easier to go through.
• The kids are hanging in there - they have their good and bad moments. As hard as it is for me being a grown man, I can only imagine what they are going through. I keep them talking to me as much as I can and share my shoulder to cry on or lend an ear to hear what they have to say. The whole family has had quite an exhausting and stressful two weeks but I do not think we think about it since we are so busy with the praying and comforting up here in ICU.

I read some of these posts and I never really wanted this site to turn into a "facebook" or "myspace" page as it is a means of communicating with loved ones, family and friends alike. (I do not mean that in a bad way as she has both of those sites as well.) With this in mind, I only ask to not worry about meals being prepared as we are fine and it is so unpredictable with our schedules at this time. I do thank those that have given their time and helped with the gift cards in the past. We take evrything one-day-at-a-time now as it is these moments we live right now that make us who we are. This family has been very supportive and connected and I think Gina can feel that and take comfort and smile knowing this. For all that know Gina, this is how she lived her life - Family was first priority and she instilled that into all she met.

Thanks again all - the words and special stories are being read to Gina as often as I can and I think it helps ease her mind knowing she is so loved and cared for.

Riverside Update from ICU

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010.

New Updates from ICU on Gina

• Gina's weekend was pretty good. I think she finally got some much needed rest where she had more than her normal four hours. I think she finally slept most of a day and part of next without much pain interfering with her slumber.
• The heartrate and blood pressure has been pretty consistent; although, we had at least two or three scares where her heart was only low 30's and an uncomfortable pause in her heartbeats.
• The medicine was adjusted and she seems to have been doing well the last few days. Ironically, but not surprisingly, Gina seems to already be developing a slight tolerance for the meds; eventhough her levels of doesage are way up there.
• Although it seems Gina is struggling each day physically, her spirit and mind are both driving on and not wanting to give up. For all of us that know and spent some time with Gina, this is no surprise as she is known for her high spirits and iron will.
• I took some extra time tonight, while alone in Gina's room and stood next to her bedside, holding her hand or rubbing her cheeks and began to read the posts you have all put on this page. I can barely read any of the posts straight through, without tears welling up or running down my cheeks. I think the tears are not only because of the kind and loving words you wrote, but, also because I can see myself with Gina when most of those memories were being made.
• It is so hard to picture a world without Gina. It is even more devastating to try and imagine what life will be like without my beautiful wife and best friend there by my side. I prayed a thousand times over for answers to why it is this way - no response was given. I know GOD is up there and listening and although my Faith is being tested every moment, I try to keep my chin up and tell myself there is a greater plan for Gina.
• Gina has had some very challenging struggles through this battle with such a hateful disease. I know she made us all a little bit stronger and helped those she touched to dig a little deeper and overcome many things. I thank all of you for being there - from the words on this post to the anonymous gift cards left at our doorstep. You are all very much appreciated and loved. I know one of my faults is not knowing when to ask for help but I am ever so grateful for all of you that are standing by just waiting for that day. Thanks again to each and every one of you.

I will try to keep the updates coming as often as possible. I thank all of you for being there and the whole family has been here supporting Gina and sitting here with her daily. God bless you all!

What A Beautiful Sound

Riverside Intensive Care Update 01/15/2010

• What a beautiful sound I am hearing while I watch Gina sleeping. The sound of her breathing in such a relaxed state is music to my ears! It has been over a week now since she has been able to sleep for more than a few hours. (finally some peace)
• Well, Gina had a great day in the sense that her pain has been a bit more under control today. The nurses and Dr. McDonald have been fabulous these past couple of days. It is such a fine line between comfort and pain and balancing it all with the right doesage of medicine without overdoing it.
• It seems like Gina has gotten her blood pressure back up, her respiration rate is doing a little better and her heartrate has been pretty calm.
• I worked today, to give my tired mind a rest from all of this, and to just get caught up.
• Today, I am thanking GOD for all the time in my life that I have had with Gina - although I wished I had an eternity. I also asked GOD  why such a loving, caring woman that gave so much of herself to so many people has to endure so much pain and restlesness? I know the answer isn't an easy one to give, so I wait for His humble words to comfort my ears.
• I sit here in the hospital room tonight with my son, Riley, and just watch over Gina like a shepherd does to his flock. Always listening ever so carefully for any sounds of discomfort, watching patiently for any movements that would indicate pain and whispering little words of reassurance in Gina's ears -that I will always be with her, as she is with me, and even the boundaries between Heaven and Earth cannot keep us apart.
• Eventhough her eyes are closed and shes sleeping, I look at my beautiful wife and see those blue eyes and that perfect smile and remember the the first day we met. It was such a connection that words cannot describe how I felt - my heart beats were like drums pounding in the night, and my soul was like a diving into a pool of fire. I have so much love, passion and respect for Gina that it is an eternal feeling and a connection that can never be broken. Thanks GOD for giving me Gina and I pray she no longer suffers and is able to take her many talents and endless compassion and spread her Angel wings over the many tired and lonely souls of the world. I am trying ever so hard to stay strong and keep the chin up for my family, and myself. I also pray that GOD gives me and the rest of the family the strength to get through this.

Thanks to each and every one of you for your kind and loving words. I see new posts from unfamiliar names as well as from old friends. I think this nightly ritual of reading the many beautiful posts has been a blessing to all family members as well as to each other. GOD BLESS YOU ALL. and thank you!

Riverside Update from ICU

Keeping you informed 01/14/2010

• Gina's been having a heck of a time trying to stay comfortable, despite all the efforts of her wonderful nurses and staff these last couple of days.
• I know in my heart the main contributing factor is Gina doesn't want to let go of life (which is I struggle with as well). Gina loves her family, GOD and continues every second to stay strong and fight through the pain.
• I cannot imagine what Gina is going through and how alone she feels as she is so free-spirited and always seems to find good in all she meets or sees.
• I never in my life have met any single person that has the inner strength and determination that my Gina does. I tell her every time I hold her close to me that she is the strongest woman I know.
• I have been trying to tell her that all is okay, not to worry about me or the kids or her family and friends. I know it is a huge burden she is trying to carry and she must fear others doing it all without her. I cannot imagine life without my soulmate there by my side but still find the courage and strength to tell her it will be okay and to just try and relax.
• Gina's had some rough nights and days with the pain coming as unpredictable as the ugliness this cancer has become. I know her pain management consists mainly of a balancing act and all is guided through the careful hands and watchful eyes of Dr. McDonald. with this in mind we all try to keep the Faith and pray to GOD he has mercy for Gina and ease her pain.
• The pain meds Gina is getting makes it very hard to get rest as she has very high doses as it is necessary to try to control her pain. I know it has been hard for all of you to just sit and wait or sit idly by, but as a result of her pain we all feel it is better for Gina to get her rest and relaxation whenever possible.
• They ran some tests to check if Gina was having any type of seizures and they came back negative - so no seizure activity present. That little bit of good news is a breath of fresh air to us all. We welcome anything positive at this point, no matter how big or small it may be.

As always, I thank all of you for your wonderful thoughts and posts. I know that Gina would read your comments and feel a little stronger inside and take comfort knowing she has so many friends and loved ones in her life. I am truly amazed at the new "faces" posted and feel blessed to have good people like all of you in our lives. Thanks a million times over for all of you love and support!

I Said A Prayer For You Today

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard.
I felt the answer in my heart
Although he spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind).
I asked him to send treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that he be near you
At the start of each new day;
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small.
But it was for his loving care
I prayed the most of all!

Dedicated to my Beautiful Wife, Gina, from Bob

Victory will be OURS!

We will BEAT this hands down! We have the guiding hands of GOD and the loving support of our family & friends to see us through this all. I LOVE MY WIFE UNCONDITIONALLY and WE WILL spend the rest of our lives together with our kids and grandchildren at our sides.

Don't forget to leave a prayer for us!!

Thanks in advance for all of your love and support!

Bob Mason II

08/27/07